enLIGHTenment

So let your light SHINE!

"You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." -Matthew 5:13-16

This little light of mine,

I'm gonna let it shine

Hide it under a bushel? No!

I'm gonna let it shine

This little light of mine,

I'm gonna let it shine

Don't let satan blow it out,

I'm gonna let it shine

This little light of mine,

I'm gonna let it shine

Shine all over Nashville (and beyond),

I'm gonna let it shine

This little light of mine,

I'm gonna let it shine

Let it shine till Jesus comes,

I'm gonna let it shine

Let it shine,

Let it shine,

Let it shine!

http://www.kididdles.com/lyrics/t030.html

(note: I just sang that passionately with my right index finger totally in the air making an awesome horizontal circle...and proudly, i might add)

No regrets! I want to live this life passionately, as if I have nothing to lose....because I don't. I want to see each individual as God sees His glorious creation with a purpose and a plan. I want to never hold back, boldly saying what I feel led to say without fear, pride, or timidity. I desire to leave a footprint in this world-God's giant-sized footprint; one that doesn't just make ripples on a pond, but that starts waves-affecting individuals, families, communities, and generations. I believe God is an awesome God that can and does perform miraculous things if we only allow him to use us, unselfishly giving our entire life to Him in worship. I want to be part of that!

Maybe it's because I feel like God is moving greatly in my life right now and I am making big choices to be part of His plan; maybe it's because ever since Sept, I started listening again and diving into the word every chance I get; maybe it's because I have grown up and relinquished control over my life; maybe it's the church I'm part of and the people He has surronded me with that are influencing my outlook. Whatever it is, I have seen myself declare God's love and plan for people's lives without a second thought on how it might be percieved or the impact it will make. I have allowed God to speak through me in both written and spoken words to touch many, allowed Him to use my hands and feet to love on others and do what others don't want the responsibility for it and I have seen changes. All I know is, I couldn't stop this if I wanted to. It's not by my ability, but through His strength and mercy that these things have been accomplished.

"Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!" -Psalm 115:1

26

In attempting to reconcile the fantasy world i'd love to live in and my stark reality of actually being 26 after my recent bday, i thought i'd list 26 reasons i'm thankful (in no particular order). The hope is perhaps this list will translate into me actually being happy i'm 26. i doubt it, but there's always wishful thinking....right?

1. i've lived 26 years which is 7 years shy of the life expectancy for a swazilander
2. i'm healthy
3. i love living in nashville
4. i have an amazing group of friends
5. i'm part of a spirit-filled church that challenges, feeds, and supports me
6. i am blessed with a job that allows me to see and participate in tiny miracles daily and i love it
7. i always have enough food
8. and clothes
9. and money
10. and a warm place to call home
11. i have a reliable vehicle that i enjoy driving
12. i get to participate in an amazing ministry counseling women facing unplanned pregnancies and sharing God's love and plan for them
13. i have a family who loves and supports me and taught me about God from a young age
14. i have run a marathon and 2 half marathons, training for more, and lived to tell about it
15. i am happy
16. God is a powerful, merciful, compassionate, faithful, loving God, and He loves me!
17. i live in a country with innumerable freedoms and blessings
18. God has protected my heart
19. there is a Bible I can read with words of encouragement, promises, blessings, truths, and instructions on how this earthly world is supposed to work
20. the music i am exposed to in nashville
21. pictures to help me remember all the wonderful moments i have participated or been a spectator in
22. there are 4 definitive seasons where i live (even though i'm not thrilled with the current one)
23. i was afforded an awesome education/college experience and will forever be part of a growing extended family-War Eagle!!
24. God has chosen to bless me immensely so I can bless others
25. I can read and write
26. second chances do exist

Prep-time

I'm so over prep-time! Really, can you ever really be prepared enough anyway?? No,no u can't....nothing can prepare you for real life-promise....so, can i be done with the preparation phase of my life, cause it's kinda freaking me out and making me rethink all the plans I've been making. I'm not so sure I can handle any of it anymore. I mean, just throw me in there already. I usually throw a really good learning curve anyway. Between work, Hope, all the people that have been brought into my life, and life itself for the last 2 yrs....I'm over it.....I was saturday night and then again today after a few hrs @ Hope....Celia-u can so have the counseling thing anyday...it is way too draining for me...even more so than my worst nights at work (guess that's why u do what u do, and i do what i do)

I think this all started while I was rocking Sat. night. Another nurse sat down next to me and shared a cup of coffee to pass the minutes. She asked me what I wanted to do in Africa-it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks....I just looked down into my arms and then back at her, with tears in my eyes and said, umm i dunno, I guess...this....k, done with the preparation....seriously!!!!....All I have to say is...one far off day when, God willing, I do have kids...I'll have been prepared for pretty much anything they might do or come across...I'm all over it.

Rocking Babies

For all those who think it's what i really do at my job all night.....well, sometimes I do rock babies. I did last night......sometimes I think I would love to trade jobs with a few of you....sit in a cubicle, play in a classroom, drive around and smooze people, play on the computer, ect....but I know in my heart that by the end of the day, I'd be ready to come back here and do it all over again. Guess it was what I was created to do, just some days I'm not sure I'm really cut out to do it.

So, if you're having a bad day and you think you can't stand a minute more of your job, just envision this picture: me sitting in a rocking chair in the corner of a dimly lit room during the wee hours of the morning on a saturday night humming softly and cuddling a beautiful, perfectly made 36 hr old 7 lb baby boy with a head full of gorgeous brown fuzzy hair, attempting to comfort him for 94 long minutes as he gasps and struggles with each breath, praying it will be his last and that his body will give up since his spirit did about 35 hrs ago. His 17 and 18 yr old parents huddled in a waiting rm with family gathered around them, waiting for the official word that their son has gone home. I don't blame them. It's traumatic enough to go through that at such a young age....go 9 mo excited about a beautiful baby, only to have to make the hardest decision of your life for that of another's and then watch them fight till the end (feel free to believe that they all slip quietly into the night if it helps you cope). Some can't handle it....which is when I step in and get to hold them after we take them off life support, watching them die slowly in my arms. Try that one on for size-we could use a few more rockers, if you think you're up for it. But I feel blessed.....I don't leave here with heavy arms and have to go home to a house with an empty, dark nursery, filled with everything a baby would need....that's their job-which i would never trade for.

My last 5 shifts I have taken care of 2 different kids where I had to explain to teary-eyed young parents that their little one was going home very soon...just not in their arms....and that the right thing to do, is to give them permission to go now instead of dragging it out. I guess it's my special for the month. One thing I did learn: music and prayer transcends all language barriers. I understand very little spanish, but I understood every word and every note of the families pleas and cries, voices lifted up to God, as 30 crowded in a tiny room and clasped hands praying and singing. So you see, I get to help ALL our babies go home and sometimes, I DO rock babies......