Me

Ok, i'm sitting here....supposed to be writing about myself...my testimony, my gifting, abilities, and passions that I can share...basically how I see myself fitting into the ministry.....I hate this....first off....contrary to the pt of blogs....I hate talking about myself....you know where you talk about your life and who you are and what you've done. i find others much more interesting. i don't know that it's humility, i just think i don't like listing things i think make me the person you're looking for. besides all that....how are you supposed to compress your entire life into a paragraph or pg?.....when so much has changed and happened in just the last 4 yrs since i graduated from college. I have such a desire for them to just see His light in me, His purpose and the plans He has for me.....i just can't find the words that can really package that. I mean, its what i attempt to live out each day....and i know there are lots of days that the wrapping isn't quite right....and the bow doesn't match, and you can definatley see the tape job cause i ran out of the invisible tape that's holding me together.....i just don't think a pg is enough to get to know anyone. i think my type A is coming out a little too much and its making me feel like i'm back in school or something......that and i work really hard to hide the majority of my heart anyway as a protective measure, so it's really hard to just lay it all out and in writing where i have to SEE it....kinda makes me nervous. i'm sure celia has something to say about all this.....i wouldn't mind the advice at this pt either. :)

But joy comes in the morning

Praise God, from whom ALL blessings flow
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost!

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above." -James 1:17

It's story time on the carpet kiddies....gather round.....this is a good one, you'll want to rejoice in the completion of His plan.

I believe in Angels.....I believe in a loving, almighty, all powerful God that knows everything-past, present, and future. He works everything together for GOOD. His GOOD. His plan is perfect. That said....I am blessed to work in a field where I witness His miracles. I believe that when He creates life, it is ordained and life breathed by Him at conception. I believe that at birth these tiny fragile creatures have a powerful direct connection to Him...especially the most frail, tiniest of ones, born before their time. I believe that they can see Him, that He gathers them in His hands and hold them...that angels surround those tiny plastic bubbles we place them in and that these little ones SEE them and get an overwhelming sense of peace by their presence. You can disagree....but first come work in my line of work before you do. But I have proof.

Here's where the story begins: 2 drug addicts come together and God breathes life into a zygote...producing a growing fetus.....during pregnancy mom converts from HIV + to full blown AIDs.....soon, a tiny 26wker is born 3.5 months early.....just a pound or two, very scrawny. the doctors fight to place a tube smaller than a drinking straw into his trachea so they can breathe for him (the lungs aren't developed at this gestation and while they may take breaths, most will grow weary and give up within minutes to hours). The team attempts many times but is unsuccessful, they loose a heart rate and can't stimulate the baby enough, without an airway, they cannot save him. They declare him dead, set him aside, and later he is placed in a bag to go to the morgue (sorry, but it's the truth...and sometimes that's graphic). A nurse comes back 2 hrs later to take the baby down to the basement, when she hears a tiny screaming noise....she looks around and finally her eyes rest on the package she has come to get.....yup....he's alive and fighting...screaming for his life. They give him oxygen, call for a neonatal transport team and he comes to us. By this time he has the worst head bleed one can have, his lungs have been trying to support him, but futiley. All his organs have taken a hit. He ends up on max life support for wks and on death's door. A device is placed in his head that can be used to tap and remove spinal fluid as it builds (sideeffect from the head bleed). Now, he is 3.5 months old, no parents that can care for him. He is alert, loving, full of personality, eats all his bottles and is on 3 cocktails....less than 2 months after his birth he converted and is now HIV + as well.

A mother, has had 2 kids at a young age and has a surgery rendering her unable to have anymore biological kids at age 22. She raises her kids, they are now grown, graduated from college and are starting families....30 years has passed....years of regret for that surgery....she has been praying for another child. His plan has now come full circle-she signs up to be a foster parent. A baby gets a mother....a mother gets a child. I imagine when they were first introduced, our Healer and Protector was standing over her shoulder whispering....Lonnie...she's here...here is your mother. You don't need all those extra angels anymore. She is yours now. Immediately he recognizes the gift he is given.....a once sleepy infant, now wakes every 2 hrs looking for her...can hardly eat because he wants to play with her so much. It is an immediate change....because he knows. She and her husband are in love with him and want to adopt him. I have seen it before...this isn't the first time. Those infants know and the bond is instant and unmistakeable. Lonnie shouldn't have made it by ALL accounts....he IS a miracle and everyone that has cared for him will claim the same. Someone was looking out for him. He has a purpose and today His was fulfilled through teary eyes and tiny fingers.

Wierd thoughts to celebrate friday the 13th....

On my drive into work today, while fighting off some serious sleep temptations, a song came on the radio...as I was listening I thought i know this song and i've never heard this all at the same time....and as the lines ran one by one i realized why my head couldn't remember the song my heart had already sung.....months ago this artist had led worship at our bible study and introduced their "new song" and taught it to us. now, i was hearing it again and finding it oh so familiar....but slightly wierd and surreal. these thoughts led me to how many times i've left a bible study or worship service thinking how insane it was that i had just worshiped with some famous artist and never gave it a second thought. i love it, but its kinda wierd to be so intermingled with the music industry at times. the words ministered to my soul:

Now how could I, after knowing One so great

Respond to You in any way that's less than all I have to give

But by Your grace, I wanna love You not with what I say but everyday

In the way that my life is lived

Every time I breathe You seem a little bit closer

I never wanna leave I wanna stay in Your warm embrace

Oh basking in the glory shining from Your face and

Every time I get another glimpse of Your heart

I realize it's true, that You are so marvelous God

And I am so in love with You

Then, i drove back home tonight prying my eyes open the entire way just so i could make it home without wrecking. It had been a really long, stressful, busy day at work, and it was taking all my energy to just breathe. (did i ever mention how much i HATE dayshift). i've been super stressed about africa decisions and tempted to just put it all on the backburner because it's easier. work's been insane and i've been really homesick since my last "visitation". anyway, as i looked west i saw the sunset painted across the lake, but the gorgeous colors weren't the remarkable thing. i had to look a few times to make sure i wasn't hallucinating from sleep deprivation or low blood sugar or something just as disastrous. Stretched across the sky was God's blood-stained handprint as a signature of his hand in this world; on my life. I felt him saying...shhhh...be still erin, it's all going to work out. I'm in control. step out in faith and leave the rest to me. you are mine and you are in my hands. no really, i'm not completely insane, the way the clouds were...there was a giant red handprint strewn across the sky....palm laid down and fingertips stretched out toward me. wierd.......but it allowed me to rest in His goodness and His mercy knowing that it's already done. i just have to say yes. what am i so afraid of anyway? surely not the malaria-carrying gigantic misquitos.....nope!

that combined with the dream I had right before I woke with Jesus standing behind, annointing me during a (very pentecostal type) worship service...He laid both hands on my shoulders for a brief moment, but I knew what He was saying. So i've made my decision and guess if you're reading this right now, you're probably the first one to know....I'm emailing Iris Ministries after I push the publish button and the other details He will work out. guess the 13th is really freaky friday after all.....although, i would have never dreamed i'd be in this place...so in some ways, it's very fitting! God is good....ALL the time!