A new season

FOG SEASON!!!!

So, I know about the normal four seasons, even monsoon season, hurricane, rain, various words related to water.....but i hadn't ever heard of this...in fact, i laughed the first time i heard it and the seriousness people associated with it. Yup, that's right...apparently there's a season called fog season and this wk, i have fully come to acknowledge and loathe said fog season. This is when practically every day is started with a thick silent gray fog that settles everywhere. Sometimes, it doesn't burn off till noon, and rarely, it fails to appear altogether. Since the causeway is 23 miles one way, and my drive time to work is about an hr give or take 15 depending on time of day....i've continued my self interrogation and feeling discovery (celia, you'd be proud...who needs a therapist...just get on a bridge).

What a difference a day makes! After i blogged on friday, i got up early to start my trek across the lake on monday and was comforted by a gorgeous day, the sun shining brightly through the puffy clouds and perfectly blue skies. Warmed my heart a little. Tues, I rose to the fog and after hearing about dreaded convoys (hold questions till later), I hurried giving myself extra time just in case.....the fog was thick. So thick you couldn't see past the bridge's edges....everything was dark, you have to slow down and take it one piece at a time. About 5 miles out, there the sun was, shining, and the sky was clear....just when i thought the day was doomed. On the south shore was a few miles of fog as well....but I felt like God was saying I'll always give you a fog clearing when you need it...a little sunshine in the gloom....just keep on the straight path, follow me, i'll lift you when you need it. Wed...let the convoys begin...apparently when the fog gets especially bad, the police convoy small groups across the bridge....here's my translation of this: sometimes God gives us mentors, with flashing lights, someone who knows the rd better than you, that has been there even longer than you, to safely get you to the other side....just watch, follow, and look out for the lights. Problem is, you gotta remember....they may know the road a little better, but they are only human. Just as you can only see a certain distance in front of you, they too have limited sight distance. There are still dangers, passing cars within the convoy, and the fog's still there, but at least you have a partner. This is when we have to remember to turn to God ultimately. He's the one that can see everything...not just the 23 miles....but even further down the rd. It is an amazing feeling though when i get on the causeway and can see all the way to the other side...i've run 26 miles, so it's really cool to be able to see that far. i wish in life i could see that far out all the time, but usually we are only granted to the first turn around pt, sometimes even less, when the fog settles in. A little prayer and faith can be the breakthrough light beams, illuminting a little further into the distance when needed.

Oh, and watch out for the multitude of suicidal dive-bombing huge birds lurking around the bridge....you all know who those are in life.....gotta be on the lookout!

Thoughts on John Mayer

I told you I was bored.....

So I love John Mayer, but i'm going to have to respectfully disagree with him on a few points and just rant about a few others......

Waiting on the World

I love this song! But I hate it's message.....the only way the world is going to change is if everyone stops waiting around and does something about it. Even the smallest thing has a chain reaction and if everyone did small things then the world would be a better place...ok, i know i sounded like a PSA, but for real....you don't have a right to complain about the problems you see unless you get off your butt and volunteer....take whatever you are passionate about and do something with it. There's a reason God placed that passion in your heart. He's right...the fight isn't fair, but we're creating it, but calling ourselves powerless. Things can change...and that always starts at the grassroots level...always! Anyways, i just see that our generation is a super passionate people and yet, so many are wasting it, thinking there is nothing we can do that will matter. There is so much we can do!

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

This could possibly be my fav song on the new album. I know this song is about a relationship, but it strikes me in a very different way most days.....The point is that somewhere along the line we have taught ourselves to fight for things even when the whole place is going up in smoke....the fire alarm was probably not your first hint that whatever the situation is....maybe it's not quite the place for you....leave immediately.....don't wait for other's to put your fires out or rescue you (the firemen may be hot...but they'll prob. be a little too late and you're going to get burned.....leaving life lasting scars)....best yet...don't leave a burning building and run back in....i, myself, have done this along with witnessing it many times. Sometimes I think we are a little too self-sabotaging of a generation....we start the fire....then sit down in the middle of the floor and watch it burn down around us....very unproductive kiddos.....one too many metaphors for anyone?

Belief

It is a beautiful armor...but i think it's a little more....and i think that it's the only way to win the war....if you are fighting for anything else then its not only a pretty futile effort, but you're most likely going to fail. Really, what else is there to fight for?....only religion and things you believe passionately in!

i've been listening to this cd since the day it came out and i know all the words, but for some reason, lately when i listen to it i actually hear them! ok, i'm done with this cd...perhaps i'll cover a new one tomorrow....my treat!

Minority Report

So it's been a long time since I felt like the minority and just for the record....it was only for 2 months and it was only a race thing. This runs ALOT deeper than that. As I was driving home from the hospital today I had a lot of time to do a little introspection since it's a 45 min. roadtrip...plus it was a continuance from the 8 hrs i spent spinning my wheels on thurs. I was overwhelmed by sadness for the population I am going to spend the next 3 months serving, working with, and spending time with. Kinda funny how, even though I have family here, it's not really enough. I've never felt like such the minority on some many levels and it's strange cause I can't make myself fit in. There's the racial thing....but also the religion factor where everyone claims to be Catholic, but probably couldn't direct you to the nearest cathedral if their life depended on it; then there's the locale....obvs. this is not my home and everywhere I look I see LA plates to remind me. The culture's different, the heritage is different...and my accent doesn't come close to par (a tell-tale sign i'm not from around here). Then there's katrina....they are survivors and are still fighting for everything. I can't begin to relate to that and will not pretend to understand what it means to lose everything along with everyone else you know and then try to piece it back together with strangers becoming family for the common cause. So as I was trying to absorb it all......I knew that there was a method to His madness and that this is just a 3 month stint, trial run, in culture shock immersion for when I go to Africa. At least here, I have some support, a few common threads, and speak the same language.....and it's for a short time......oh and i kinda know my way around (although, i never knew it could be possible for everything to look so familiar and yet so unfamiliar at exactly the same time....it is...and it's totally throwing me off). Anyway, point is....over there....there are many more things I could list to make me a minority.

Baby steps. i know...baby steps.....still didn't help me today when i almost lost it in the middle of rush hour.......BUT you know what did?.....just as the tears were about to spill......a nice little car pulled up next to me with AL plates and a big sticker on their back windshield that looked a tiny bit familiar: Auburn University. It suddenly reminded me that I can find a bit of connectivity among it all (and yes Jessica....I HATE the new plates-but it made me laugh). I know a war eagle sappy moment...but it's true....just needed a little sunshine. Anyways, i just know i'm up for a different kind of challenge this time around....its not the medicine, or the location that's scary.....or even leaving nashville.....it's the intense need that everyone around me has and I feel a little lost and empty....and i keep having that recurring nightmare that i didn't remember till today as i was driving...the one where i'm in the middle of the long 33 mile stretch of bridge i get to drive to work, completely surrounded by water, when all of a sudden, there's a missing section in the bridge and my car plummets into the lake (yup i'm the only one it happens to cause that's dreams for you).....and the water is seeping in and i can't breathe and i'm fighting like crazy.....anyone have an analysis on that one? (celia) ok, so i accept prayers.....

Thoughts on leaving the bright lights

So I've been up since before 7am....arghhh...if u know me, then you're thinking the same thing....i don't have to be out of the bed till 9:45 for church this morning so I thought...maybe God wants to talk...worth a shot anyway, huh? Anyway, so here's some verses that have kind of been roaming through my heart lately and I thought I'd share-they have everything to do with me leaving (guess you can blame it on Him when you're sad):

• "Why do you make me SEE iniquity, and why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; strife and contention arise. So the law is parlyzed and justice never goes forth. For the wicked surround the righteous; so justice goe forth perverted. 'LOOK among the nations, and see wonder and BE astounded. For I am doing a WORK in your days that you would not believe if told'." -Habakkuh 1:3-5

• "ENLARGE the place of your tent, s-t-r-e-t-c-h your tent curtains wide, DO NOT hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you WILL spread out to the left and to the right; your descendants will disposess nations and settle in their desolate cities." -Isaiah 54:2-3

• "Unless the LORD builds the HOUSE, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the CITY, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go to bed late, eating the bread of anxious toil; for HE GIVES to his BELOVED SHEEP." -Psalm 127:1-2
  

You could all also blame Celia for posting this blog (see below) a little over a year before I heard God calling me....it just tugged on my heart and i printed it, stuck it on my mirror and started praying it. Ever think God shows u something simply for you to pass it on to others? I had just started volunteering at the crisis pregnancy center and I intended it to be my prayer for my involvement in that ministry. ummm...can i take it back?

O Lord,

Open my eyes that I may see the needs of others;

Open my ears that I may hear their cries;

Open my heart so that they need not be without succor;

Let me not be afraid to defend the weak because of the anger of the strong,

Nor afraid to defend the poor because of the anger of the rich.

Show me where love, hope, and faith are needed,

And use me to bring them to those places.

And so open my eyes and ears

That I may this coming day be able to do some work of peace for thee.

My point is...while I'm sad to leave the city lights of nashville and all the bright lights that God has placed in my life, pointing me to exactly where I am right now (yup each of you has played a role in getting me to the goodbye as well); I have been given a sense of peace about it, more than I have these last months and I know it's time to begin the first leg of my journey. I'll be back soon city on a hill.....very soon. and the warmer weather is pretty welcomed too.

Savouring the last few moments

Wow the second week of Feb. has come and gone....insane! Yesterday, was christmas. Seriously, I'm gonna quit blinking (although, slightly unproductive b/c my contacts would dry out and then I'd be blind...hmmm....maybe a time machine would be more effective.....I'll get right to work on that in all the spare minutes I have)! So last wkend my auburn girls came in and we had lots of fun.....see? the 80's really were fun. I promised snow and produced. I'm tired of words, easier said in pictures.....

the girls...Celia, Stephanie, Audry, Me, Jackie

Me and Heather

Brooklyn and us girls

Countdown: 13 days till I head south for the remainder of winter and then some....me, some clothes, books, assorted music, my tv and of course my boyfriend tivo all packed in my global warming causing, gas chugging, but reliable SUV. This sounded like a better idea oh about 4 months ago. So this week has been me avoiding the innumerable questions of my excitement, preparedness, and details.....I'll give u it in a few words......SAD, unpacked, and blissfully unaware. Basically, I'm just going to throw things in the car, fill up my tank, and drive....if I think about it anymore, I might cry. It's all a little scary, but I know it's where God's calling me for right now...I'm just trying to think of it as a very short hiatus.....nothing more than a few days. As for after that...the plan is back to nashville till I leave for life on another continent. Right, i know i'm irrational...part of the charm right? k, just remember all of this when approaching me in the coming days and keep in mind that u should never back a scared animal into a corner :)