Can I say that I'm about to burst into tears at this very moment? oh well, cause i said it....i'm at work (obvs. doing a lot of good) and I'm about to just sit in the floor and cry....why?, you might ask...and if you didn't...you're mean and we are no longer friends. Answer: a multitude of reasons:
1-I'm "on-call"-note previously i stated i was at work. now, in the last 18 months I have only not had to work once while on-call and we have 1 shift/6wks up to 3/8wks, depending on how busy we are. so, the odds aren't great...but still, being on-call gives you a little hope that you could be off...even if it's only a glimmer
2-I'm missing Bible Study at the Loop b/c of this blessed event....and this makes me super sad
3-my primary baby at work (I took care of her everytime I was here), Mary Carter, went home Sunday and I was absolutely in love with the girl. I took care of her for 4 months and I'm going through some major withdrawal right now.
4-Someone got the brilliant idea to stick me in the same pod where she had been residing....but she's not here...and that's not funny...it's cruel....and this is the first shift i've worked since she's been gone...obvs., i'm not handling it really well
5-out of the 6 kids in this pod....3 are screamers....and they are not very cute while they are doing it....and i don't mean they just cry...they are inconsolable, screaming at the top of the lungs, constantly....i would like to cry with them....but not for the same reasons.....somehow, me telling them "there's no crying in the NICU" isn't working....
ok, so to recap....i've only been here for 3 hrs....and i've already quit about 20 times (note: i always quit at least once a shift), and i'm about to lay in the floor and have a sobfest (yes, that's a real word).....even starbucks before work isn't helping.....
About Me
- erin
- Maputo, Mozambique
- He alone defines me...enlarging my tent as He builds it and attempting to let His light so SHINE through me in even the darkest places and moments...
WAR EAGLE!
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4 comments:
I love you, Erin! You rock b/c you save babies' lives and you are the coolest nurse I know. We both know I suck with tears, but I'm a good consoler from afar. If I were with you right now you'd be getting a good head pat and perhaps a hug cuz I'm feeling extra generous. If I ever have kids I'm sending them to you if they need more than a head pat. Unless, of course, my husband is the emotional one of the fam and can handle such things. Hmm, that won't work cuz I couldn't handle a super emotional hubby, but that's a topic for another day. The point I'm trying to make is you're fantabulous and I love you!
gracias, muchas gracias chica! i'm proud to report....that i actually made it through the entire shift without crying, though i'm not saying that i didn't quit 500 more times that night, or that i didn't fight back the tears several times during the night....but alas, i made it...and i'm sure my podmates were appreciative as well (although, they were warned upon my arrival). thanks for the head pat!
erin...now you know that crying is ok! it is a normal bodily reaction to a stressful, sad, etc. situation. counselor celia says let it out!
unfortunately...crying is pretty inappropriate at work and kinda gets in the way with your ability to save lives. distractions at work carry a different kind of consequence than most jobs (as it does with yours)...one i can't really afford or allow, so sometimes i just have to block it till later...no worries...i cry
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