Minority Report

So it's been a long time since I felt like the minority and just for the record....it was only for 2 months and it was only a race thing. This runs ALOT deeper than that. As I was driving home from the hospital today I had a lot of time to do a little introspection since it's a 45 min. roadtrip...plus it was a continuance from the 8 hrs i spent spinning my wheels on thurs. I was overwhelmed by sadness for the population I am going to spend the next 3 months serving, working with, and spending time with. Kinda funny how, even though I have family here, it's not really enough. I've never felt like such the minority on some many levels and it's strange cause I can't make myself fit in. There's the racial thing....but also the religion factor where everyone claims to be Catholic, but probably couldn't direct you to the nearest cathedral if their life depended on it; then there's the locale....obvs. this is not my home and everywhere I look I see LA plates to remind me. The culture's different, the heritage is different...and my accent doesn't come close to par (a tell-tale sign i'm not from around here). Then there's katrina....they are survivors and are still fighting for everything. I can't begin to relate to that and will not pretend to understand what it means to lose everything along with everyone else you know and then try to piece it back together with strangers becoming family for the common cause. So as I was trying to absorb it all......I knew that there was a method to His madness and that this is just a 3 month stint, trial run, in culture shock immersion for when I go to Africa. At least here, I have some support, a few common threads, and speak the same language.....and it's for a short time......oh and i kinda know my way around (although, i never knew it could be possible for everything to look so familiar and yet so unfamiliar at exactly the same time....it is...and it's totally throwing me off). Anyway, point is....over there....there are many more things I could list to make me a minority.

Baby steps. i know...baby steps.....still didn't help me today when i almost lost it in the middle of rush hour.......BUT you know what did?.....just as the tears were about to spill......a nice little car pulled up next to me with AL plates and a big sticker on their back windshield that looked a tiny bit familiar: Auburn University. It suddenly reminded me that I can find a bit of connectivity among it all (and yes Jessica....I HATE the new plates-but it made me laugh). I know a war eagle sappy moment...but it's true....just needed a little sunshine. Anyways, i just know i'm up for a different kind of challenge this time around....its not the medicine, or the location that's scary.....or even leaving nashville.....it's the intense need that everyone around me has and I feel a little lost and empty....and i keep having that recurring nightmare that i didn't remember till today as i was driving...the one where i'm in the middle of the long 33 mile stretch of bridge i get to drive to work, completely surrounded by water, when all of a sudden, there's a missing section in the bridge and my car plummets into the lake (yup i'm the only one it happens to cause that's dreams for you).....and the water is seeping in and i can't breathe and i'm fighting like crazy.....anyone have an analysis on that one? (celia) ok, so i accept prayers.....